apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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