I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
