I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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