i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
