Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
