he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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