i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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