I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
