My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
