Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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