Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
