peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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