youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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