Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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