we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's never too late to be topless.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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