he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
