Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
