It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
