i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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