it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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