Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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