I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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