how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
