A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize