no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
