Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
