Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
