He disabled his match.com account in front of me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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