I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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