I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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