wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
