No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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