If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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