Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
