Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
