I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
