that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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