last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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