I heard we made out
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
