Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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