don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
