I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if only i could text you this smell
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
