ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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