wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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