I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
