The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
