wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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