i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His nipple licking is glorious
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