my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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