My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
