Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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