I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
