went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
