Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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