That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
