i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
