Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
