i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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