Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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