been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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