If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
