just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
