I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
