I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
