she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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