Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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