I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
